As I grow older I am thankful that I have gained enough wisdom to be content with life as it really is, warts and all.

Those who love this season, have a loving and supportive family, and wouldn’t change a thing about the holidays probably need to read no further. Just cherish your families and your holidays. For the rest of us, there are plenty of ways to make the holidays better.

The holiday season has been designated as the time we entertain our friends, correspond with those we don’t see every day, buy gifts for close friends and family, attend parties, decorate our homes, bake our finest goodies, and go to special festivities to entertain us during the season. And don’t forget, we’re supposed to be jolly and happy, even though we don’t have time to take care of ourselves.

It’s no wonder depression is common during the holiday season. The demands and expectations we put on ourselves and others are usually unreasonable.

For singles, the holidays can be even more depressing. We’re caught in a gut-of-war between family, our own needs, and the loneliness of waking up alone on a holiday morning. For many, there is the added stress of who gets the children on the holiday, and is the ex invited to the family celebration.

One of the many advantages of being single is that you can make up your own rules for how to celebrate the holidays. What do we have to lose? This holiday season can be the best one we’ve ever had if we readjust our thinking on the subject.

Numerous interviews with singles about their best holiday memory brought interesting results. Some brush off the question, saying they couldn’t choose just one. Some lament they’ve never had a good holiday season.

Virtually none of the pleasant memories were of traditional holiday celebrations. Many people pleasantly remembered trips during the holidays – Las Vegas, Hawaii, etc. One woman said lounging in her grubbies with a friend watching six videos with no interruptions was her favorite. A man says his best recollection is leaving anonymous little gifts for his elderly neighbor for three weeks before Christmas. She never figured out it was him playing Santa.

Traditional memories seemed to have a twist. One man recalls the year he gave his ex-wife an engagement ring as the best, but it was their last good Christmas. A woman recalls the warm feeling of anticipation driving home from Midnight Mass as a child, then adds that she loved it when Christmas was on Sunday so she didn’t have to go to church again.

Don’t let depression from past holiday memories stop you from having good holidays this year. People in families for whom the holidays were a time for blowups, drinking, or other problems come to hate the holidays. Just because your past holidays were disastrous doesn’t mean they always have to be. You can create your own celebration and do it the way you’ve always wanted it to be.

Expectations are the greatest deterrent to happy holidays, so we need to stop thinking rigidly about the holiday season and be open to alternatives. There is no one right way to do anything, including celebrating.

No matter what your religion or culture, there is a celebration during the November-December-January quarter of the year. It’s been going on so long there must be genetic implanting for the season by now.

Scholars of the past believed we needed celebrations to lift ourselves about the commonplace that oppressed us. We couldn’t be religious and merry all the time, so festivals were created to give us peaks of spirituality. The purpose of holidays is to cheer people and give a magical and emotional effect for a few days that will carry over into ordinary days.

Hanukkah, the Jewish Feast of Dedication, is celebrated during December. It’s an eight-day festival. Hanukkah began the second century BC and celebrates the struggle of Jews to preserve their integrity against social pressure. Hanukkah is also called the Festival of Light because part of the tradition is to light candles in the menorah each evening of the festival.

The 30 day Islamic fasting of Ramadan ends on December 28 with a feast of celebration. Descendants of Zoroastrians celebrate "Yalda," the first day of winter (December 20) with special food: winter fruits (pomegranates, melons, etc.), pistachios, seeds, etc. They sit in friendly groups deep into the night sharing stories.

The keeping of a Christmas season dates to 354 AD. By the mid-tenth century, virtually every European country was celebrating Christmas. Europeans passed on to Americans the traditions of Christmas. We’d like to think of Christmas as "becoming" too commercial, but during the Great Depression Congress moved Thanksgiving up by a week to improve the nation’s economy. Even in ancient pagan times bakers and confectioners were the only ones allowed to work during this season, which smacks of ancient commercialism.

Many scholars believe the choice of December 25 as the birth of Christ was based on the Romans, who celebrated December 25 as the winter solstice. There is certainly no reason that you must choose the same date! This is particularly important for parents whose children rotate visitation for holidays.

One of the biggest advantages for children of divorce is that they frequently have two Christmases. One mother recalls the first year her child wasn’t with her for Christmas. "I used it to my advantage," she says. "I had Christmas with my daughter after she returned from her father’s. This allowed me to buy her Christmas gifts the day after Christmas when everything was on sale. I was able to get her twice as much as I would have normally."

A father interviewed particularly enjoys taking his children on Christmas Eve to celebrate with his birth family. He returns the children to their home in the evening, calls them Christmas morning, then leaves for the beach. He says, "I get to enjoy myself without the reminders that I’m not with my children."

If kids are not an issue, December 25 can still be a lonely day. One man interviewed goes to a movie every Christmas. "It’s a great distraction," he says. "And you’d be surprised how many people are there!"

There’s a reason for all the advertising and hard-sell spend-spend-spend messages: many retail stores do a full 50% of their annual business between Thanksgiving and Christmas. But we don’t have to do plastic Santa or aluminum trees or fancy gift wraps if we don’t want to! Instead, we can celebrate with love, brotherhood, and peace.

There are many alternatives to the main-stream traditions of the holidays which are easier on the environment as well as less stressful for individuals. Some of the good alternatives include:

This year, create your own holiday. Don’t just let it "happen to you." Plan something you know you can fulfill so there will be no disappointment. Decide what you would most enjoy for the holiday, and do it!

You may love to shop, so Christmas shopping could be the only thing you choose to do for the holidays. If your kitchen brings you solace, cook your heart out. Your non-cooking friends will love your efforts.

Also, figure out what you don’t want to do and use the same commitment to avoid the things you don’t want. Don’t spend your holidays just fulfilling obligations or doing nothing.

Sometimes we feel so obligated to family that we’re stuck for the day no matter what. For those who don’t feel the family ritual is a celebration, consider choosing another day for your own personal celebration. High tea at a fancy hotel or an evening performance of "The Nutcracker" with friends can be your own personal celebration of the holiday, and you can choose your own day. Once you’ve had your own celebration, any family ordeal isn’t quite as unbearable.

You may also be pleasantly surprised if you are honest about your wishes with your loved ones. Being up front can bring compromise that makes everyone happy.

Plan for something for the holidays. Many of us try to ignore the season, but when the actual day arrives there’s a void and depression can easily set in. TV fare is not good on Christmas, but most of the video stores allow an extra day free on holidays. Almost everything is closed, so plan ahead. Having a "Plan B" is a good idea as well.

Planning for some alone time is a very healthy thing to do during the holidays. Most of us get trapped into days of shopping, cooking, and decorating, but leave no time for ourselves. Taking a day to do nothing is not being irresponsible; it’s taking care of yourself so you can do things better.

It’s not nearly as important to maintain historic traditions as it is to seek fulfillment and enrichment for ourselves and those around us. You can be free to decide what you want to do instead of doing things simply because you’ve always done them.

Relaxing your expectations for yourself and others will prevent angry outbursts. If others don’t wish to take responsibility for traditional holiday activities, scratch that activity!

These are some changes you could initiate to reduce the disappointment and stress of the holidays:

Reprinted by permission from the Single Vision magazine, Box 42375, Portland, OR 97242. Binnie Beigh is the editor.

by Dixie Rettig, Aldersgate UMC, Alexandria, VA

No matter which millennium you celebrate, this inventory is worth taking – it’s also useful in creating a journal. Kierkegaard reminds us: "Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."

To begin to change your world, start by imagining it. Take an inventory of your life.

First: Describe who you are. Look at yourself and write whatever you see. Describe your life.

Second: What kind of person do you want to be? Recognize what you have to be grateful for. What kind of life do you see yourself leading?

Third: Create a list of goals for yourself. Make a step-by-step plan to achieve your goals. Continue to evaluate and reflect upon life.

Keep this journal handy and from time to time, review the first sections and describe how your life has changed and how you have changed your life.

Hey, Hey Mr. Postman

by Michael Webb

Editors note: This is a column I ran several years ago and I get more emails requesting the details than anything else. So I thought I would run it again.

If you are going to celebrate Valentine's, I suggest you do it with a little forethought. I cringe every time I go to the grocery on February 13 or 14 and see dozens of men (some women too) crowding around the greeting cards to buy their cards at the last possible moment.

Buy your card now and mail it out to Loveland, Colorado for extra special treatment. Your card will be postmarked LOVEland, Colorado and it will also be hand-stamped with a unique four line poem.

The Loveland Chamber of Commerce heads up this yearly romance project with cards going to all 50 states and over 100 foreign countries annually.

It's simple. Just enclose your pre-addressed, pre-stamped Valentine's card in a larger envelope and mail to: Postmaster, Attn: Valentines, Loveland CO 80537

You can also send it to postmasters of these cities too:

Valentine, Texas 79854

Valentine, Nebraska 69201

Kissimmee, Florida 32741

Loving, New Mexico 88256

Bridal Veil, Oregon 97010

Romance, Arkansas 72136

Read more of my creative Valentines Day ideas here:

Reprinted by permission from the Richmond Hill Update, the monthly newsletter of Richmond Hill. B. P. Campbell is the pastoral director of Richmond Hill which has been "praying for the city since 1866." Richmond Hill is located at 2209 East Grace Street, Richmond, VA 23223.